I wasn’t going to write about my experience today until I saw yet another article about another white aging man spouting his opinion on sexual harassment laws – specifically women being subject to verbal harassment in the form of wolf whistling – and that was the end of my rope!
This afternoon as I casually rode my bike home from my kids school after an 11th hour rescue to pack lunch orders – yes, I am just an ordinary mum! – the 2 boys playing near the fence at the primary school closest to my house leaned over and yelled a suggestive “rit reel” (not quite a wolf whistle, but the intent was clear!) in my direction.
I turned and looked – amused as a 33 year old Mum of 3 kids, some the same age as these very boys – and the young lads HID with SHAME – failing as only 8 year old boys can do, trying to hide behind a wire see-through fence.
But it got me thinking from amused curiosity to somewhere close to despair….
I’m 33 years old, post birth of 3 babies – the last of which broke my core muscle formation – and that physical condition combined with my deep love of chocolate, wine, coffee and cake makes me quite the sex goddess in my own home – but probably not by popular media standards or catwalks.
Yet boys under 10 years of age are still growing up considering it funny to subject women to verbal sexual harassment for merely riding past them on a bike. Interestingly – they knew it was somehow inappropriate because they hid after doing it. But that sense of wrong-ness didn’t stop them making that call out in the first place. And I could hear them laugh in the aftermath of me turning and smiling and waving to them.
Now – I know kids aren’t right in the head (see my previous post) – but something is very wrong with the world when young boys are inclined to approach even a mid aged mum as an object to be sexually jeered at.
I did not feel threatened. But I have been made immune to such treatment over the course of my life, like so may women around about me (see my recent facebook post on this topic).
What a challenge we have on our hands here – to raise a new generation of men who respect women, and do not treat them as objects to be leered at, whistled at, sexualised in everyday moments. Riding a bike! In activewear for crying out loud (not even a crop top people, a tee shirt and full length leggings!!).
You, Mr Roberts, are a part of the problem. Do not speak for people who can speak for themselves.
Legislative change is a part of the solution. Women will tell you, if you will listen to them Mr Roberts, that we do not like being whistled at by strangers, treated like dogs or objects to be admired. We are people. We deserve to feel safe – as everyone does.
All my abuse and harassment training has taught me that it is not the intent of the perpetrator that matters, but the perception of the victim. It doesn’t matter if you meant it as a compliment when you whistled at me: if I received that interaction as a threat or harassment, then it was just that!
My daughter deserves to feel safe, walking home, in her community.
My sons will know what it is to treat women respectfully: their Dad role models that to them daily, and I will tell them.
I will tell them: “If you like a girl – tell her. Ring her up, write a note, tell her she’s pretty. Don’t whistle at her like a dog, or make her feel unsafe in public.”
And by golly, don’t you dare grow up to be entitled white men who make statements on behalf of other people who can speak up for themselves – if you will just ask them!
Let’s go community: and make men who make women feel safe and valued.